A Very Greasy Grease Trap: Perfect Pistol Squats and Push-ups from the Potty

You ever feel empty after using the bathroom?  Do you ever feel that emptiness due to something other than having just rid yourself of human waste?  If you answered “yes”, it’s probably because you aren’t using any of your bathroom break to workout (if you’re at work, you’re getting paid to poop and workout…take advantage, bro!).  Post bathroom business time is the perfect time to get some quick reps in.

In all seriousness, taking a few seconds after going to the bathroom to grease the groove can pay dividends in the long run.  For starters, sitting down for prolonged periods of time is horrible for the health of your hips, back, glutes and legs.  It can even affect your blood glucose levels.  By simply performing a few low-stress body weight squats after a number two session (or a sitting number one), you can walk out of the bathroom in proper shape.  I got this idea from Ben Greenfield’s podcast, and I try to do it every time I take a sit (I spelled that right).  Personally, I aim for 20 squats, as long as I’m wearing pants that won’t rip (if they’re prone to tearing, I make like George Costanza and put them to the side…I’m in the bathroom after all).

I’m also always trying to improve my ability to perform pistol squats and one-arm push-ups, as featured in Pavel’s book The Naked Warrior.  As it happens, the toilet makes a wonderful tool for practicing these two high-tension body weight movements.  For pistol squats, plant your heel in front of the toilet, and slowly lower yourself down.  Upon seating, perform a “static stomp” (as demonstrated in the book), and drive yourself back up to standing, while maintaining the pistol form.

One-arm push-ups aren’t for everyone.  I normally often have a Norwex microfiber cloth with me, and I use it to mechanically clean the toilet before this next trick.  After wiping down the seat, and any other splatter prone surface, place your palm securely on the toilet, and slowly lower yourself down, keeping your hand under your shoulder, and your lats engaged, locking in your elbow.  At the bottom position (pun!), drive off the outside corner of your palm, and push yourself up to the top position.

For both the pistol and the one-arm, perform 20-30% of your max rep range.  This optimal groove greasing protocol will keep the neural connections hot, and the need for recovery nil.

Give these movements a try next time you…um…make a movement, and I guarantee you’ll never look at that toilet the same again.